Let's do the math. 

My bio dad donated sperm twice a week every week from late 1983 to 1989. Let's make it simple and say 6 years. 52 weeks in a year times 2. 52x2x6=624 potential samples given. That is A LOT of DNA! So what does that mean for me I could have up to 623 half-siblings in the world. But let's make it a little easier to comprehend. Say only half of those samples ended in a child. 624/2=312 Ok 311 half siblings are so much easier to wrap my head around. NOT! That is a lot of people that I share half of my DNA with.

Due to at-home DNA testing siblings can pop up in my life at any time. Talk about a gender reveal party! Normally these siblings arrive after the holidays due to them being on sale and people think that would be fun to find out my personal ancestry only to be greeted with the news that they aren't who they thought they were and their parents aren't who they thought they were. AHHHH!  Happy Holidays to you! 

The infertility industry is a dark scary place that brings babies to people that only want the joy of being parents. We live in a world that heckles Catholics and Mormons for having large families of 10 or more but lets the infertility clinics use the same donor 624 times. I guess it is ok because it's not the same parents raising those children. Right? NO! At least those kids know who not to be in a relationship with because they grew up with their siblings, and those kids know their family's medical history. It's the simple things that make you feel safe and secure.

Am I saying donors are in the wrong? No. Am I saying those people using the donor DNA are wrong? No. I am saying that Doctors, Clinics, and Labs need to stop being so careless about creating humans. Keep records and share them! Confirm the donor's medical history and share it with those that use that donor! Make updates to those medical histories and info for those that were donor-conceived! Transparency and ethics. That’s all we ask for. Let's make these things laws! Cause in the USA there aren't federal laws about this stuff.

I am so grateful for the gift of life. I just don’t want my experience to be someone else's painful experience. "Hey you look like a friend of mine." used to be no big deal when I heard it. Now I want to say "You should have them take a DNA test because they could be my half-sibling. Do they know all their family secrets?"

Secrets don't make friends but they make giant family pods!

Leaving Labels Behind

 It's 4:30 am and of course, my brain is racing. I have so much going on between kids, college, work, church, and the normal daily stuff. All I want is to sleep so I’m not exhausted tomorrow. But my mind keeps going to this thought of labels. What is the purpose of labels? Why do they make us feel accepted and rejected at the same time?  Why do I feel so compelled to fit a label but then feel suffocated to be in that label?

I guess that it is a natural tendency to be in a group. It's gone on throughout history. Segregating naturally depending on race, place of origin, and religion. I observe the students I teach through the different grade levels I have noticed how they start off in the elementary ages being open to everyone. Groups aren’t really formed in the first few years at school. As the students, age and awareness about the world around them grows the labels and clicks start to form. These groups are a sounding board for adolescents.  Friends make us feel accepted and understood. Those clicks also give us labels. Nerds, popular, rednecks, jocks…. you get the point. So when school is over what do we do?

We evolve, either staying in those same categories or changing into something else. I guess the best thing about adulthood is that you really get the chance to figure out who or what you want to be. I have found in myself that I am constantly evolving in my labels.  The first label that came to me that will be a lifelong label is mother. I love being a mother to my four children. When they were little, it was a role as caregiver, nurturer, provider, and protector. Now that they are a little older it is more of a confidant, safe haven, and teacher. Motherhood is an evolving role that I feel comfortable in. Other labels seem to feel more confining.

What about those labels that seemed to fit that now don’t. I feel like this world wants to put me in compartments that I don’t want to be in. Stereotype and  be something that I don’t want to be. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The worldly stereotypes that are developed based on cultural practices don’t fit me.  I don’t want opinions formed of me based on that stereotype.

That standard question of “Tell us about you” is usually a list of labels that only tell a little bit about the person. My answer is normally wife, mother, LDS, business student, substitute teacher, and conservative. From those labels, my guess is that you would automatically perceive the type of person that I am. But what if you were wrong.  What is if when asked to tell something about ourselves we name personality characteristics like growth mindset, genuine, accepting, and passionate. Would it change the way we see others?

 As I am learning more about myself, I am figuring out that labels and stereotypes limit growth and potential. When we constrict ourselves to fit a mold we are hurting ourselves from becoming the people we are intended to be. For me when I think of labels the only one I want to fit into is Sara. The one and only with limitless potential. 

~Sara